Addicted to Say Yes to the Dress

Can someone tell me what it is about Say Yes To The Dress that is so freaking addicting? I don't know but here I am Sunday morning putting it on while I eat my breakfast and next thing I know I've watched three episodes. Then I start cleaning the apartment but keep getting distracted needing to know if the girl found a dress. I don't even know. But regardless this is me:

Not really, I am not wandering around my apartment in a wedding dress but I am dying to know what it is that makes it so addictive. Having just gone through this with my own sister the Bride to Be, I have a couple observations:

• In some cases I am so in shock by how opinionated the family members are to the point of being borderline rude. 
• In some cases I am in shock by how much brides want to be wearing practically lingerie as a wedding dress. It's a wedding dress. 
• Once you meet the brides and their families, you're committed, you're in it and you've gotta see this through.
• I always wonder if they won't be able to make them happy in the end. But alas, Randy always knows. He always knows. But how does he know?
• Do you think they have to take a test to learn all the dresses? Where is the giant warehouse they trudge through to get the dresses?
• In the end, I secretly get excited knowing they have found their wedding dress and watching the connection between trying on the dress and deciding it is the one. 
• I am sucker for a happy ending. 

Who knows what it is, but I may or may not need a support group. I am addicted. 

Bachelor in Paradise Episode 1

What combines Mondays, crazy people and a beach? Why it's Bachelor in Paradise of course. 

• Is it going to be a train wreck? Yes. Absolutely. 
• It is also going to be something for all of us to look forward to on Monday evenings. Because let's face it, we could all use a little crazy after surviving a Monday. 

Initial intro observations:

• There is a lot of wind and these girls are having issues holding on to their flowy maxi dresses in wedges 
• You can already see a lot of insecurity in the girls fighting for the same guys
• You can already see a lot of crazy in some of these girls...cough cough Michelle...cough cough
• Lacy from Juan Pablo's season, who are you? 
• Elise from Juan Pablo's season, who are you? 
• And everyone loves Graham....yet again. The ultimate Bachelor, Bachelor Pad and now Bachelor in Paradise repeat.

How is this show going to work 

• Bachelor style dates, if you get a date card you get to choose who goes on the date with you
• 7 girls, 6 guys....there is an elimination so soon. 
• Someone will be leaving paradise very, very soon if you don't make a connection with someone. 

Who.is.Lacy...

• Apparently she left Juan Pablo night 1...is this the best ABC could do? 
• Lacy runs into the ocean with Robert and lets him whisk her away into the waves.
• Marcus is still not over Andi and he proclaims this while wandering into the ocean in his underpants. Makes complete sense. And now Lacy is in the ocean with him. And now Sarah is upset. Did you get all that? 
• Now Lacy is back with Robert. 

AshLee vs. Every other girl in the house who likes Graham

• AshLee has planned their wedding and already registered them at Pottery Barn. 
• AshLee claims she is the only normal person here.
• AshLee is mad Graham couldn't be loyal for 24 hours

First Date Card....Clare....

The date drama

• Clare picks Graham. 
• Clare sense drama and vents her frustration to this guy:

• This guy helps Clare decide to un-pick Graham. And pick Robert. 
• Sidenote: I think Clare and Robert are super cute. Let's hope this means Parrrrraddiiiiiseeee.

The Vista Date highlights:

• Clare: "I don't even know what a vista is but we walked out of a vista" 
• Then Robert gets attacked by ants. He loses his shoes, his backpack and his shirt and now he is magically not itching. 
• Meanwhile I am sitting here watching the TV itching still 5 minutes later. 
• Clare thinks Robert is "a cool, fun, funny guy." 
• Clare is afraid of heights. Oh right, right duh. My bad. I forgot about being afraid of heights. Even in paradise heights still exist. 

Second Date Card....Sarah

• Sarah picks Marcus
• Lacy from night 1 of Juan Pablo is bummed. 
• Sarah is taking leaps and leaping into the water with Marcus 
• Sarah is done leaping and kissing Marcus

Michelle Money arrives...dun dun dun...with a date card...dun dun dun...

• Michelle takes Graham away for a secret handshake that reminded me of The Parent Trap a la Lindsay Lohan. 

• Michelle picks Marquel for a date card. 

Lacey receives a date card and asks Robert. 

• This means poor Clare.
• This also means poor Marcus who likes Lacey. Who went on a date with Sarah. Who Sarah jumped in the cave water with. Did you follow that? 
• Marcus is upset. He just got over his heartbreak with Andy. He is now having to get over heartbreak with Lacey. And his un-heartbreak with Sarah. 

Rose Ceremony time or as Ben put it so eloquently "It's cocktail time!" 

• Now begins watching all of the contestants try to lobby for a rose....it's always fun watching people who are not good at communicating try to communicate through persuasion
• AshLee thinks she is safe safe safe because she has Graham in her back pocket. 
• Should your rose be strategic or based on friendship??? Marcus can't decide. 
• Oooo interesting development: This time the roses are not anonymous. There is no secret Pier One lockbox room. 
• Crazy Michelle voluntarily decides to go home. 
• Michelle Money has some serious hair going on

• Graham picks AshLee because he is afraid of being stabbed while he sleeps.
• Marcus picks Lacey who picked Robert for a date who went on a date earlier with Clare. Did you get that? 
• Robert picks Clare. Clare is over Robert but thankful for the rose. 
• And here comes Ben who ha been strangely quiet this episode which I think is a strange omen to the rest of the season. Silent but deadly wins the race on these shows. 
• Ben picks Sarah. 
• Daniella is going home. 

Who will listen to AshLee cry now? How will the girls get revenge on Robert and Marcus next week? And how will Chris B's arrival challenge Graham's control of the house? Will I continue writing about this nonsense? Stay tuned....

Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #7

I love twitter. I do. I find it highly entertaining. It is the major source of most of my news whether it is a major global event or a major celebrity break up and every time I need to find information it is where I go. That being said, I have noticed that people can be really mean to celebrities on twitter to a point where it can become comical. When I found this video of "Celebrities Read Mean Tweets" on Jimmy Kimmel it had me dying laughing because the thought of these things a) being read aloud and b) being read aloud by the actual celebrity is not only so incredibly simple but it is so incredibly funny.

It's a true lesson for me in not taking myself or criticism about me too seriously. Without further adieu I give you this amazing YouTube video:




Apparently this is a routine sketch on Jimmy Kimmel. News to me. I now need to go watch all of them.

Have you ever seen these before? 

Did Mindy Kaling make you die laughing…I am kind of obsessed and want to be her BFF.

Lessons from Ladies of London

I love a good reality TV show but I am choosy and because of this I have every right to say I am not addicted to reality TV. I happen to have my own personal criteria and conveniently, all housewives-related and bachelor themed shows meet it. I suppose if you look at those shows you can figure out for yourself the specifics of my criteria…and if not then that is probably another post for another day.

Most recently I have fallen in love with Ladies of London. I am obsessed. I love it. A lot. Next to the Bachelorette, it is the first show I watch next off the DVR. That my friends is saying a lot.

Recently on the show there has been a lot of controversy between American and British characters and the root cause is the personality types and characteristics of the Americans. I have found this intriguing but didn't think much of it because hello it is a reality show and I do not know how much of this is just making up differences to make up drama.

But then I read this blog post from one of my favorite blogs A Cup of Jo titled 15 Surprising Things About Parenting in England and it turns out that a lot of the drama on the show makes sense.

Americans are in fact more outgoing with strangers, more passionate with their emotions (whether in a good or bad way) and more/less exclusive to making friends. You have to read the article and watch the show to completely understand the connection...but let's just say the most recent fight between Juliet and Annabelle kind of makes sense in real life. Granted most Americans probably don't scream on the sidewalk at their friends during 4th of July parties in other countries ending with one of them running into traffic to get in her private car; however, it would also not cause an additional fight analyzing the behavior. The behavior and the fight would be lumped together eliminating the need for two separate apologies.

Read the article. Watch the show. Thank me later.  

Now you can say you are culturally diverse the next time someone judges your taste in TV which happens to me everyday of my life. 

DWTS Finale: Why I Love This Dancing Show

I have been incredibly excited about the Dancing With The Stars finale all day. So excited that at approximately 4:50pm when I ran into our CEO in the hall and she said how are you doing Analisa in a friendly way since she was leaving…naturally I responded by saying….

In a really great mood because Dancing With The Stars Finale is tonight.

I know. I know. I know. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! It was like one of those moments that as it was happening I couldn't believe it was happening and then I even stunned myself trying to figure out how to recover. Luckily I thought to say: Do you watch the show? And even though she responded saying she didn't, she asked me about Amy Purdy, if she was still around and we talked about her dancing on her prosthetics.

BUT STILL. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I don't even know. I am so into this season that it is clearly making me delusional.

I know I am kind of in a bit of a minority of friends and people I know who watch this show other than my mom and honestly that is fine by me. It's Mom and me every Monday night, tuning in to watch this show. Not even Dad and Kristina watch it. They both have tried and both of their responses on watching are something along the lines of I tried I just can't get into it. 

But Mom and me. Lifelong fans. This is our thing.

Why? In 10 Reasons Here Goes:

1. We love dancing. Period. We love dancing and we love watching dancing.
2. We get to know the cast throughout the season and we slowly fall in love with them. And then we proceed to talk about them to each other like we know them. (Trying to one up each other) 
3. The show is like being at a party every Monday night. It's upbeat. It's peppy. It's reality TV fun.
4. After watching practically every season, we feel like we know the pros. And we love them too. 
5. We know Bruno is hilarious. We know Len is tough. We know you do not do any sort of lift in front of Carrie Ann or she will dock you. 
6. When each new season starts, it's like welcoming back old friends into the living room. 
7. The show is simple. People dance. They get judged. People vote. Contestants get voted off. Sometimes the results make us mad. Sometimes we agree. But it has a rhythm and it makes sense.
8. We hear songs that trigger memories of old dance team routines, dance recitals, carpool trips, the list goes on…and when it happens, it's fun for us.
9. Maybe we secretly wish we were out there dancing too? And though it would take a miracle, maybe someday we will be! 
10. At the end of the day, even when people are asking me why I am so into this show or have a funny look on their face when I mention it, I may rattle off my love of dancing, my love of reality TV but I know deep down it's because it's mom's and my show. 

And tonight, after reuniting with all of our faves, talking about the finale all day on the phone and over texts, and being the only two members of our family to watch, another season ends and another champion is crowned….and it's the couple we were rooting for….MAKS & MERYLl!   

Hooray!! Maks' 1st Mirror Ball Trophy! Our favorites all season!
We are PUMPED!!! 

And one last note before signing off my DWTS recapping until the Fall...because you all need to see this delightful dance number to my new favorite summer song Classic. I know deep down Gregg really enjoys the amount of time this song has been blared in the car and our apartment recently:

 Stay classic and keep dancing my friends! 

The DA Bachelorette: Episode 1

I am running on very little sleep at this point because I got up to take my old roomie Hayley to the airport at 5am after our little college besties reunion weekend. So as if the day wasn't strange enough I had a meeting after work, raced home to try to speed watch Dancing With The Stars and catch The Bachelor. So as Chloe and I sat down for our Monday night ritual I was maybe 10 minutes into this season and already over Andi.

Translation: Gonna be a long season for Chloe and me. 

As usual there was just way too much going on last night with too many people so these were the few random moments and thoughts that stuck out in my mind. You will either agree or they will make zero sense:

Andi and her sister look at dresses:

• Flashback: It reminded me of wedding dress shopping with Kristina and getting in a fight because I demanded Kristina learned how to bustle my dress from the store associate and Kristina demanded she didn't need to be taught. Guess who won that battle? 
• Spoiler Alert: The bride always wins, especially when she is the big sister.

Tasos: The Wedding Event Coordinator 

• I am going to call this guy Tacos. 
• He is a wedding event coordinator. He speaks multiple languages. 
• I am quite confused by him overall. 

Personal Trainer Guy 

• "Gaw-dang" as he wanders up the driveway about his walk because "the limo broke down"
• Translation: Next. 

Urgent Care Physician Guy That Looks Like Surfer Guy 

• Opens with: "You must have a fever because you look pretty hot." 
• I just really wanted him to say: 

Brett from Westminster aka Lamp Guy 

• I totally thought he was going to get out with a dog a la Westminster dog show. Something along the lines of this but more dog:

But because I can't in good faith put up a Westminster dog I must put up Chloe instead. She is just as fabulous. 

Craig the Accountant 

• Gets out of the limo and pops an entire bottle of champagne. Then said he is excited to potentially fall in love with her.  
• I am thinking he is more excited to join the fraternity known as all these guys living under one roof for the 10 days they are there searching for the love of their life

J.Crew

• Did all these guys shop at J.Crew for outfits? How many plaid printed shirts and skinny ties can we see?

Cookie Monster aka Cookie Tasting Guy

• I am really into this cookie tasting. That is how you find a soulmate people! 
• It is also making me go crave and search my pantry for a cookie.

Chris from Bachelor Pad and Emily's season shows up:

• WHAT????? 
• Will they or won't they let him in??
• This is seriously the worst acting on behalf of the Bachelor staff I have ever seen and yet the most exciting thing to have happened all night. 
• And they make him leave. Boom.

First Impression Rose- Nick V. 

• I keep wanting to call this guy Eddie V as in the restaurant. 
• He's gonna be around awhile and he is super cute.

My rationale for continuing to watch even though I am not sure about Andi: 

• Yes these guys have some of the worst outfits, worst haircuts and worst jobs I have ever seen.
• But, Dancing With The Stars ends tomorrow night and we have a long summer of Mondays with nothing to watch except for Ladies of London (starts 6/2) which yes, I'll be watching too.
• I am also willing to bet a few of these cast offs find their way to Bachelor in Paradise premiering 8/4. 
• So as you can see duh. I am going to keep watching and you should too.

The End. 

P.S. Go Maks and Meryl. Tune in for DWTS Finale tomorrow night!!!! 

DWTS Semi-Finals aka The Greatest Hits of My Life

This morning I saw an advertisement that The Bachelorette begins next week….which I can't believe it's already time for another train wreck of a season to begin but it also means that DWTS is ending. I was highly confused and then they announced tonight is the Semi-Finals. I am still confused because The Bachelorette airs at the same as DWTS. 

Round 1:

Charlie White & Girl I Don't Know

• They danced to my most favorite Frank Sinatra song "New York, New York" 
• I was smiling so big as I sat all alone in my apartment. I mean look at these pictures and try not smiling:

 

It's Up to You New York, New York.
You can't not smile. You can't do it. 

Derek & Amy Purdy 

• They danced to another one of my top lifetime songs "You Can't Hurry Love" 
• Amy did this fast dance with her "running legs" and I sat the entire time with my mouth dropped. 

Then they announce that Meryl & Maks are in jeopardy. And Peeta and James are safe. WHAT!!! OUTRAGED. Even Charlie's face can't help matters. 

Peeta & James

• I will not admit I slightly enjoyed this dance being to Michael Jackson because I am outraged. 
• OUTRAGED. 
• They scored four 10s. I quit.

No not really. I don't quit. I am still here because here comes my favessssss…

Maks & Meryl 

• Elvis "You Ain't Nothin' But A Hound Dog" 
• It was precious. I loved it. It made me want to go jive around my apartment. 

Try looking at these and not want to hop and twirl around your own house. 

Then the pro stars danced to this song which is one of my new favorites on the radio and I nearly died. I will not even lie. I was absolutely 100% dancing around my living room by myself. And then I played the song again. And then I found it on You Tube because I couldn't find the DWTS performance clip. 

DYING!!!!

Round 2: DING DING DING! 

Mark & DJ Tanner 

• Danced to Janet Jackson "Nasty"
• PEOPLE I AM DYING!!!! These are all my favorite songs.
• DJ is not really doing Janet justice and that just upsets me.
• She got two 9's and 2 10's. One of the 10's from Len. My theory: It was already announced she is going to the finals so her scores are pointless so he gave her a 10. Len gives no one a 10.

Girl I Don't Know & Charlie White 

• Danced to "Mo' Money Mo' Problems"
• I spent most of the song trying to figure out what age I was when this song came out.
• Carrie Ann said "I Wanna Live In Charlie's World" -- me too! It's all smiles.
• He gets four 9's. I seriously am mad. MAD MAD MAD. 

 Derek & Amy Purdy

• Their jazz dance kind of reminded me of something out of Chicago. 

Peeta & James

• Dancing to Islands in the Stream. Only the #1 most performed song of Kristina and my childhood. And these two are dancing to it. I can't. Let's just fast forward to Maks & Meryl.

Okay finally they just said dance for the mirrorball next Tuesday. 

I am still confused by next week's schedule.

Maks & Meryl

• They danced the Viennese watch. They are perfection. 
• I really like Meryl's sparkly denim shirt and would kind of like one for myself. 

Final elimination time. 

• In my opinion with all three Olympians being in jeopardy is about as staged as Manziel being drafted so late in the draft. Ratings. Fixed. 
• Amy Purdy is safe and at that moment I know that Charlie White is going home. And I am deeply saddened. 
• And it is announced. It is final. Charlie and Girl I Don't Know are going home. And he is so gracious. And he announces he is Team Meryl. And he is even more precious. 

Schedule For Next Week:

• Monday: DWTS Freestyle dances at 7pm
• Monday: Bachelorette following. Not that anymore cares but this is good because I have a meeting from 6-8pm and have been freaking out about missing Bachelorette premiere. 
• Between these two shows, what in the world am I going to blog about???? Stay tuned.
• Tuesday: DWTS Finale. 

Sigh. Charlie White I heart you. I am going to go buy tickets to watch you dance on ice asap and attempt to drag Gregg. Sigh. Sad night.

My predication, final two will be Maks & Meryl and Derek & Amy. 

DWTS: Latin Night

It's latin night with Ricky Martin but he does not open the show with "Livin La Vida Loca" Come on Ricky. Give the people what they want. 

Derek and Amy- Rumba

• Amy starts talking about how her relationship with her boyfriend isn't going so well and how that is making doing the rumba "the love dance" difficult
• Translation: I am real surprised home girl is airing her dirty laundry on national primetime TV
• They danced to this slow version of "Come on Baby Light My Fire" and I kinda liked it. Mental note to figure out where that is from.
• Also, I hate the rumba. It bores me every year. 

Post commercial break- they are serving pina coladas to the judges. Then Tom Bergeron turned his upside down and it looked like it belonged in my old Fisher Price kitchen because it didn't spill. 

Peeta and James- Samba

• They are still discussing this potential couples thing. I am over it/them and their potential couple status. I smell stunt to get votes. 
• She is also dancing in glorified lingerie. I know these costumes are usually provocative but this is quite ridiculous. 

Val and Winnie Cooper- Salsa

• Apparently Winnie Cooper broke her rib this week.
• They did this scene where they showed graphics of the texts coming in that said 
• "Fractured"
• "Yeah, it's broken"
• Clever ABC. Way to mix it up.
• Then we see Winnie jumping rope 5 seconds after so I am quite confused.

I am also quite confused by how this 90s funk outfit translates to a Salsa. 

This just in: The guest judge next week is the Coach from Dance Moms. I may die. If you have never watched I think you should tune in just to see the train wreck that will be that. 

Tony and NeNe

• I'm not going to lie I fast forwarded. I am not sure what they even danced. 

Girl I Don't Know and Charlie 

• I really liked Charlie's dance and the judges didn't. I actually think they were mean to him. 
• I thought it was sweet to see Maks and Meryl getting excited for their dance.
• I also think Charlie in response to the rude comments Charlie is thinking: "I am an Olympian with a Gold medal. I'm going to live if I don't win the mirror ball trophy"
• He's #overit 

Mark and DJ Tanner 

• Apparently there is such a thing as "Dancing With The Stars" therapy. 

My thoughts on this can best be described by the one and only Jim Halpert. 

• I only half watched this dance. I was pretty bored and confused by the song.
• How did they get nicer comments from the judges than Charlie White? I smell favoritism. 

Maks and Meryl

• So good. I am obsessed. Obsessed with these people. 
• On an unrelated note, is this a wig or how does one get their hair like this:

And let's just all give a moment of thanksgiving that I was paying such close attention to the TV at this moment because I would've missed this gem right before commercial break:

NIKKI AND JUAN PABLO! BACK ON AN ABC SHOW. WHAT!!!!!

Team Dance #1: La Cupa de La Vida aka The Cup of Life

• Charlie White was precious. And I think he and NeNe are BFFs. And that's even more precious.
• And if that's not enough, you tell me you don't want to go to a dance club with this guy. I feel like I am watching Center Stage:

Team Dance #2: Livin La Vida Loca aka Living The Crazy Life 

• Since Amy Purdy hurt herself she was out- which meant they had to judge the dress rehearsal. I thought I was getting gipped. Going to admit I was wrong. I.was.wrong.
• Let's all just pause and see all the shirtless men. Okay glad we all had that moment together. 

Elimination Time

• ALLELUIA CHARLIE AND NO NAME GIRL ARE SAFE!!!! ALLELUIA! 
• In the spirit of Latin Night…..Adios Nene and Tony. 

'Til next week and the next Meryl and Maks dance. 

Dance Moms Coach. Going to be epic. 

DWTS: Party Anthem Night

Apparently it is 'Party Anthem Night.' I only figured this out during the judges critiquing Nene and seeing this giant red hair guy named REDFOO talking about 'Party Anthem Night.' I had to fast forward the beginning Party in the U-S-A number because it is 9:30 and I am just now eating dinner and watching DWTS. What does dinner and life at 9:30 look like:

Breakfast of champions right here. While Chloe watches intently and gives herself a bath.
In the words of Fergie, G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S.

Disclaimer: I don't know the actual names of any songs so I am just going to rattle them off the best I can to explain what they are. I am also really tired so I am literally flinging words on to my blog as I watch and try to go to sleep. Because I care that deeply for this show. 

Tony and Nene "Hot in Here" 

• Here we go again with Real Housewives of Dancing With The Stars Drama. I'm over it. I don't even understand what happened and I am over it. 
• Nene and Tony started out dancing in the middle of the audience and I actually highly enjoyed some of these audience members thinking they were on DWTA 'Dancing With The Audience'
• Erin Andrews may be slowly annoying me with her post-dance questions. 

Mark and DJ Tanner "I Don't Care, I Love It" 

• Can DJ stop talking about being a sexy girl and just dance? JUST. DANCE. DJ. 
• I liked DJ's dress. I'd like to know where to buy it. 
• I cannot take this REDFOO guy seriously. 

This just in…next week…Ricky Martin. I am 'Livin La Vida Loca about that. Wasn't he on last year? Ricky must love him some DWTS. 

Peeta and James "You're The One That I Want" Grease

• Just going into this dance I'm already nervous because I love this song and they better not ruin it.
• My conclusion: I didn't like it. I was disappointed. 
• REDFOO says the Quick step was "Quick." This guy. This guy is scoring contestants and determining the next champion of our beloved DWTS. I don't like it one bit. 

Promo on how intense DWTS is for the dancers…some things to note:

• I am pretty sure Meryl and Charlie literally have nothing to say and are trying to making something up. This is not intense for them. They just won gold in Russia. Again, I repeat, this is not intense for them. 
• I would give anything to be part of DWTS. Anything. Anything. And I'd never even complain in one of the promos. I would sit there and just freak out that I was there.
• I just looked up and noticed Macy's flags everywhere and I am super impressed with the marketing efforts behind the Macy's Stars of Dance….which I am now fast forwarding. Why? Please see above and note the time and what I am eating for dinner. No time for this. Must see Meryl and Maks. 

Val and Winnie Cooper "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"

• Once again, I love this song. Please don't disappoint me. But I think Val won't let me down. 
• It was good. More discussion of the journey of DWTS.
• REDFOO didn't even remember to score and just copied Carrie Ann.
• Did anyone notice Val give a shout out to Winnie's boyfriend? I totes thought he and Winnie were dating. Now I realize why he gave him a shout out. And did you see Winnie's face. I'm gonna guess there is trouble in paradise.

Maks and Meryl "I Feel So Close To You Right Now" 

• I'm not going to lie, I have always always always thought the judges are harder on Maks than anyone else. 
• I think Meryl could be the new official DWTS psychologist. She just analyzed Maks more in 10 seconds than anyone ever has the entire 13 seasons he has been on this show. 
• That dance was awesome. The second the they grabbed hands I knew it was going to be awesome.
• Len complimented Maks. That never happens. Never.Happens. Never.Happens. 
• REDFOO says "ET Phone Home." Once again. I am riveted. 
• PERFECT SCORE. FINALLY. 
• Confession: I hit rewind and watched it again. Yes, I am fast forwarding nonstop and through Macy's Stars of Dance but I rewatched this performance.  

Cheryl and Drew "Super Freak" 

• They are really going to do a tango immediately after Maks and Meryl? Is this a joke. 
• I didn't really watch this dance so I can't provide much commentary. Drew gets an E for Effort though. 

And then I fast forwarded through REDFOO's performance. I did it so fast I didn't know what happened and i didn't rewind to see what happened either. 

Girl I Don't Know and Charlie "Everybody Dance Now" 

• Charlie using curse words in his pre-footage. I never would've guessed Mr. Mary Poppins used curse words. 
• Hello flashback: I lip synced this in my 6th grade talent show. It was the performance of my life. 
• So cute. I heart Charlie. And glow sticks. And this song. And the black light meets neon ending. 

Derek and Amy "Shout"

• This is my Dad's favorite song in the world. He, Kristina and I may or may not have ended up on the floor at my wedding when it was time for "a little bit softer now…"
• I honestly could not stop watching Amy's legs. It was the first time we have seen them and I cannot believe they are not her real legs. It is overwhelmingly impressive.
• It was a good ending to the show.  

Elimination Time….I think this is actually the first elimination I have watched and I am not sure how but it is. So long to Cheryl and Drew. Drew was sweet. He will be missed.

Can we watch more of Maks and Meryl? Can we just have the Maks and Meryl show? I am still dying over their performance. You can watch it here if you missed it: 

Even if you didn't miss it…just watch it again. 

Cheers to Monday, Maks and Meryl!

Dancing With The Stars: Disney Night

Disney night should be renamed flashback night. Because apparently when I hear Disney songs, I flashback to all kinds of things in life.

Drew and Cheryl- Aladdin "You Ain't Never Had a Friend Like Me"

• Drew danced half this dance with his mouth open and I don't know why
• Lo and behold the Genie appears on the floor. That became more exciting than the dance.
• Flashback to Jafar. Now I remember why I don't like Aladdin.

Charlie and his no name partner- Mary Poppins "Supercalafragalisticixpialidoshus"

• Dancing fast with umbrellas. Charlie dropped the umbrella. But you can't be mad at him..because you can't be mad at Charlie. Try it...

See? Doesn't work.

• Flashback to high school dance team ribbon performances and having the fear of God put into me if I dropped the ribbon.
• Charlie makes me want to grab a top hat and cane and dance. 

Winnie Cooper and Val- Beauty and the Beast "Be Our Guest"

• Flashback to being 8 years old dancing with my waiter outfit marching up and down the aisles of for our opening recital dance Be Our Guest. My favorite dance routine ever. I want to be 8 again. 
• I love the Quickstep. I am dying to learn how to Quickstep. 
• I had forgotten how much I love this song. Now I remember. Gregg will wish I hadn't been reminded: 

• I felt like Beauty and the Beast came to life. They were super fun to watch.

Amy and Derek- Cinderella "So This is Love"

• As usual I am pretty amazed by Amy. 
• They had the mice at the end. And unlike seeing the Genie, seeing the mice made me want to watch Cinderella.  

Cody Simpson…guy I don't know and his partner I don't know- Lion King "Can't Wait To Be King"

• Homeboy starts off singing what I can only guess is a new hit off his album. I can also only guess that his girlfriend he had at the beginning is not happy either. 
• I'm not going to lie, I forgot this song existed.
• I fast forwarded the judges critique because I just don't care.

Nene and Tony- 101 Dalmations "Cruella DeVil" 

• So I think Nene liked Derek better as a partner than Tony. I am sensing some drama brewing. 
• I think Nene thinks this is RHOA. Not DWTS. I think she's confused. 
• After seeing Nene and Tony, I understand why Cruella DeVil was selected. 
• They started crying talking to Erin Andrews. And Erin Andrews seemed like a sass. I don't even know what to make of all of this. If I wanted RHODWTS I would've put on Bravo.

James Maslow and Peeta- Frozen "Let it Go"

• This is just a reminder to me that I need to see this movie. 
• While watching this I was trying to remember the name Travolta called the singer- yes, Adel Dazim. There we go.
• Then they reminded us Frozen is now available on DVD and I saw in a flash the entire reason for Disney night. 

Meryl and Maks- The Jungle Book "I Want To Be Like You"

• I've been staring at Maks all night without a shirt. Can we please just fast forward to them??
• I think this was a tricky song to do a Samba to and I was really impressed with it. 
• Basically I could just watch Meryl and Maks dance for an entire hour. 

DJ Tanner and Mark- The Little Mermaid "Under The Sea"

• I am just not feeling DJ as a dancer. She is lacking something/too stiff/not flowy/I don't know.
• At the end of watching this I realized this is actually how Ariel would've danced when she first got legs. Note that Ariel was not on DWTS. 

I realized this morning that Gregg walked in and I didn't even pay attention to who got eliminated. Clearly I knew my faves were safe and it's too early to care….

Good-bye Cody Simpson guy I don't know and partner I don't know.

I still love Meryl and Maks. The End. 

Mastering Colds During The Masters

Disclaimer: If any parts of this do not make sense, please blame the large amounts of cold meds in my system.

Having spent the past couple weeks so busy I thought my head would fall off, predictably I have gotten sick with a cold that can be described as just enough to make you miserable but not enough to send you to the doctor. My favorite kind of illness!!

Here's the issue with getting sick- it starts to happen and I go to my medicine drawer to figure out what I have available to take. First of the list is Airborne. Always Airborne. I know some people prefer other supplements but for me it's Airborne and if you are going to do Airborne you have to do Very Berry.

Trust me. Very berry or bust.

Here comes the tricky part- every time I am sick I can never remember what worked the last time to get me well. It's usually some combination of starting with Claritin…then try Alka Seltzer Cold, maybe Mucinex, maybe Sudafed and then my co-worker introduced me to Advil Allergies and Cold so now I've added that to the mix.

I have been rotating between my head feels stuffed up to my nose won't stop running and back again. It's like this vicious cycle. Mixed in with an occasional sore throat depending on the moment. So I've consequently also been rotating medicines. I am not sure if this is a great idea or worst idea ever and considering my head is actually cloudy I don't know if my own judgment should be trusted or not.

I decided to seek Dr. Internet's help to figure out what these ingredients meant. Again, this is one of those things that I learn every time I am sick and then quickly forget. I should probably take better notes when I am sick but I am usually so busy trying to get well that by the time I am, I just want to move forward.

I found this nifty article that explained these ingredients and why I need them and while you may already know all of this, I clearly don't…so below is how I plan to remember this information in the future when I am sick and deliriously standing in the cold medicine aisle at Walgreens:

1. Antihistamine- this will make a runny nose dry up. It is anti-histamine…who knows what histamine means? Not me. I am going to call this ANTI runny nose.

2. Expectorant- this will make you cough. it will specifically make you cough up gross stuff in your chest. Take it and you can EXPECT to cough.

3. Decongestant- if you are congested…this will DEcongest you. But then your nose is going to run. (Then you have to refer to ingredient 1) It is a vicious, vicious cycle you see.

Sometimes you need both the Antihistamine and the Decongestant because your head is stuffed up and your nose won't stop running. Apparently in these cases you have to find a combo that gives you just enough of a stuffy head and just enough of a runny nose to continue living. This pretty much describes where I am at right now. 

Of course I also have all the other essentials...OJ, soup and other warm comfort foods I have been enjoying all weekend that are super fattening and super delicious and lots of kleenex….and prayer. Praying I live through my cold.

In the meantime, Gregg has greatly enjoyed that I have wanted to do nothing all weekend because for him it has meant a weekend of nonstop watching the Masters..let's face it, that was going to happen whether or not I was sick. Apparently, we all win…except my ability to function like a normal human. 

Lots of magazines. Hundreds of kleenexes. 
Two PJ days. One nose that is trying to kill me.  

I am sure you now feel like you need to go wash your hands so you don't get sick

 after reading this post. Stay well my friends.

Dancing With The Stars Week 3

Monday bribery- the practice of giving yourself a reward for waking up and surviving a Monday. 

For instance, this past Monday was a Monday. But it did feel just a smidge better knowing that at the end I had a "TV watching, wine drinking, cheese eating" evening planned with my friend S who was in town this week. It was Monday bribery at its finest.

When we were making plans, S asked what good TV was on since we didn't have The Bachelor to watch…. Here's one thing I am extremely proud of and at the same time can never put on my resume... when people ask me what good TV is on I know good and well they are looking for mindless entertainment perhaps with a competition element based on real people…and I come through with a great list of options that make them think they have come to the right place every time. Proud.

On Monday night's agenda…..Dancing With The Stars.

I missed last week due to the Cher concert and I never got caught up. My friend M (who I also got hooked on The Bachelor) told me (via email) that she thinks the show is better live and I have to say, she is completely right. I've never formed those words but I have secretly always known them in my Dancing With The Stars heart. Long story short, I didn't catch up.

What happened this Monday?

Spoiler alert: The guy from Star Wars left voluntarily because he couldn't hack it anymore.

What else happened?

Well for starters this happened….

Home Happy Hours. Wine and cheese with S, Cheers! 

My un-PRO-fessional thoughts on DWTS:
Disclaimer- You may notice some people missing and that is because there are a lot of people I just don't care about right now. If you feel strongly that I missed someone you care passionately about, I am open to hearing your argument. 

Derek and Amy  

• They showed footage of how she learned to walk again by dancing with her Dad. I'm not going to say I got tears in my eyes and I am not going to say I didn't... 

Val and Winnie Cooper

• She performed a dance for her son Draco…who was precious. But the entire time I couldn't stop thinking of Draco Malfoy a la "Harry Potter" 
• I am also wondering if she and Val are the love connection couple to watch. 
• Oh and Winnie's son was crying when she was done because the music was so loud. She picked him up from the audience and he had a death grip on her and wouldn't let go. She had to carry him over to the judges while she got her scores. It was sad but funny at the same time.

Maks and Meryl

• Holy hotness their chemistry. And Meryl is an amazing dancer and amazing to watch.
• I still predict Final 2.

Pro dancer who I don't know her name and Charlie

• Charlie was precious dancing to "Happy"…I mean precious.
• He was also wearing "man-pris" aka "capris for men" as my dear friend J used to call them as we wandered around Europe studying abroad. 
• His hair has also really grown on me since I first saw it debuted at the Olympics. S didn't agree but I told her to just give it time…she'd come around just as I did. 

Mark and DJ Tanner

• Here's the thing- I thought DJ could dance. She's lacking the dancer flow. 
• I am also having trouble recalling any specific DJ Tanner dance scenes. Every time I try to recall something I have a flashback to Kelly Kapowski and then I'm like Nope! Wrong show!
• Regardless I really hope she stays around because every week is like a trip down memory lane:
• Aunt Becky and Kimmy Gibler came to visit at dress rehearsal
• Steve and Kimmy Gibler cheered DJ on in the ballroom.
• Mark and DJ danced to Elvis in honor of Full House. 
• S and I are holding out for an Uncle Jessie appearance in the near future. 

Cheryl and Drew Carey

• They were sweet. Drew Carey has lost a lot of weight. 
• He dedicated his dance to his son and the entire time he was only talking about his son, I kept trying to figure out if he was married..I am still not sure. 

'Til next Monday and next week's ballroom adventures….

start deciding now what your Monday bribery is going to be. 

Dancing With The Stars: Premiere and Predictions

Dancing With The Stars is back. Mom and I spent the entire evening calling back and forth about performances. I am trying to figure out how exactly I am going to discuss this…so we'll just go with a mash of random thoughts and predictions based on my experience being a loyal fan for many years.

Here's the thing with DWTS- it doesn't get good until a few more weeks. There are too many contestants right now...too many people I don't know and don't care about…and I have to wait through those until the people I do like perform. Here is the line-up if you want to click through and see the cast

Nene Leakes performs with Tony
Prediction: She'll be around for awhile until about the middle. Tony always gets stuck with these ladies. Only one season did he get Melissa Rycroft and that was by default and that's the only time he's been in the finals or won. This season appears it will be same ol' same ol' for Tony.

Winnie Cooper performs with Val (Maks' brother)
Disclaimer: I watched the Wonder Years but was never obsessed. Full House was more our show.
Prediction: She'll last as long as DJ Tanner. She may go home sooner since DJ Tanner may be a more popular adult and get more votes. But I was surprised that Winne Cooper was pretty good.

James Maslow performs with Peeta. 
Disclaimer: Who is this guy?
Prediction: They'll stay around for awhile because they intrigued the audience when they told us they went on a date. But then they are going to get boring.

Sean Avery performs with Karina. 
Disclaimer: The real issue is I have been mentally thinking this is a former Spurs player for a few weeks …either Sean Elliot or Avery Johnson…even though I knew I was wrong the entire time and then I see who it is and I am even more clueless.
Prediction: This person will be out in a week or two.

Billy Dee Williams performs with the girl (whose name I don't know) that performed with Bill Engvall last season. 
Prediction: He did a Star Wars routine to channel his past. He's the Billy Nye of this season and may be around another week.

Meryl Davis performs with Maks.
Disclaimer: I love Maks. And I am a new lover of ice dancing so obviously I love Meryl being his partner and they are already one of my favorites.
Prediction: They cha cha'd and it was amazing. They will win the season. The end.

DJ Tanner performs with Mark Ballas.
Disclaimer. I love Full House and I love DJ Tanner. I was trying to remember all the Tanner sister performances to remember if she was a good dancer. Another I was waiting to see.
Prediction: They'll go until Top 5 or Top 4.

Fun fact: DJ Tanner reveals that in real life she was broken up with by her boyfriend (some guy named Jeremy Miller) so he could go out with Winnie Cooper. In real life. 

Cody Simpson performs with Whitney.
Disclaimer: I do not know either of these people. Cody is a singer/songwriter from Australia whatever that means. Whitney is a new pro.
Prediction: This guy said he has a girlfriend. His partner is single. I'm just saying he'll be gone midway and his parting gift is a new girlfriend.

Raise your hand if at this point you started flipping between Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion show and DWTS premiere. Guilty. 

Drew Carey performs with Cheryl Burke.
Disclaimer: I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Cheryl ever since she and Drew Lachey won.
Prediction: People love Drew Carey. They are dancing on a Monopoly board. He's going to be around for awhile.

Amy Purdy performs with Derek.
Prediction: Here's the deal. They never give Derek bad partners therefore they are going far. I predict final three. My mind was also blown watching Amy perform because she has lost both her legs beneath her knees and was doing these dances with two prosthetic legs. Mind.blown.

Diana Nyad performs with newcomer Henry
How you know her: She is the woman who swam from Cuba to Florida last year. They even had her dance to "Beyond the Sea." I don't even know what to say to that...
Prediction: She gave it her all. Sadly, she'll be swimming home next week.

Charlie White performs with Sharna Burgess who I don't know
Disclaimer: I have been super excited to see Charlie perform. Because in case you missed it, I love ice dancing now and am obsessed with him.
Prediction: People are going to love seeing Charlie compete against Meryl and this is going to be a great story all.season.long. I can't predict how far he'll go because I can't figure out how good he is yet. But if he is good, Top 3 and then he and Meryl go head to head to win.

That's it. Premiere night down. What did I learn tonight? 

That you can realistically watch two shows at once with all the "filler stuff" they mix in DWTS.

After Real Housewives Reunion ended, I noticed there is a new show called Southern Charm on Bravo. It's official. I am addicted to horrible television. I hope this can be a safe place where you can admit it if you are too. 

Mental Breaks Thanks to El Bachelor

Even though it is no longer Wednesday, this is for real how I feel this week. FOR REAL. 

It's been one of those weeks around here. Obviously it did not start off well because of Daylight Savings Time and the lack of sleep Sunday….then there was The Bachelor finale which was supposed to be my great escape but was not….and then of course there is actual real life and the fun has kept on coming.

Due to my lack of brain power and the fact that my biggest mental breaks this week have involved finding things about the insanity of Monday evening, I wanted to share the best scoop I have found out there in case you too need a legitimate mental break.

Because we all need to remember that even if you are having a bad week, 

Juan Pablo's is worse. 

Do you remember Molly and Jason Mesnick…you know, from The Bachelor season where Jason picked Melissa and then changed his mind on the "After The Rose" and chose Molly. I never thought I would like them and I have to say I now love them. Well they do podcasts. They are very entertaining to me and kind of fun to listen to from time to time. Well they did two podcasts after the finale craziness and if you have some free time, you should listen:

Podcast Part 1 Finale 

Podcast Part 2 After the Final Rose 

Chris Harrison's blog on Entertainment Weekly that I read every Tuesday during Bachelor season 

Apparently Juan Pablo told Chris Harrison that he and Nikki had plans but they changed two weeks ago. What made them change? 

Rumor is he was supposed to go on DWTS and then they took back their offer. 

And finally, Hayley's wise words

I think I am good now talking about this season of The Bachelor. But this is the easiest way to share my pointless knowledge and discoveries with people who I know secretly care. 

Don't worry this is a Judge free zone. 

Have you heard any Bachelor scoop you think I need to know about? And in case you missed it, here are  my "deep" thoughts on Monday's finale.

Two more days and it's the weekend. I will believe we've made it when it is Friday night. 

El Bachelor: Finale & After The Final Rose

Before I begin, I have to say I have seen literally every season of this show (minus three) and this is officially the strangest finale I have ever seen. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER.

I also have to formally apologize to my friend M who lives in Austin and I got hooked on The Bachelor this season. This show is typically a train wreck good time...last night's finale was just a train wreck that made me uncomfortable the entire time. I am sorry and I hope for more normal and typical Bachelor/Bachelorette drama for your future viewing experiences. 

El Bachelor Finale: "I Like You A Lot"

Family Dates:

• Cardinal Rule of these family dates: The better the date with the family, the more likely you will not get the ring. 
• Cardinal Rule of dating in general: If I am dating a guy and his entire family warned me about how stubborn he was and very into himself…I would run. 
• Juan Pablo's cousin is named Rodolfo. Which when I read it, immediately reminded me of Rolf from Sound of Music. And then I needed to find a video of "Do Re Mi" 

Clare's Date:

• Juan Pablo says something so horrible when their microphones are turned off that she can't repeat it. She proceeds to walk up a cliff with him while explaining this in the voiceover. Makes perfect sense…if I can't stand a guy I definitely follow him up a cliff where someone could get pushed.
• One on one time has Juan Pablo and Clare discussing "hooking up." These two need to get their stories straight. 
• Conclusion: I am so annoyed I feel like I have lost my Bachelor voice. I just want to fast forward to After the Rose.

Chloe can't take her eyes off the TV. She can't believe what she is seeing between Juan Pablo and Clare.  

Nikki's Date:

• The entire time I just sat here thinking about the horror of Clare's date. 
• I couldn't focus.
• Then Nikki made him a gift which he thanked her for with a make out session. 

Question/Concern: Where is Neil Lane? 

Proposal Time with Clare: 

• Clare stop pouring your heart out. Don't bring up the word "bolt" again. 
• Cardinal Rule of these proposals: Don't pour your heart out first. You make them do it..whether they are the bachelor or bachelorette. You make them do it.
• Clare. Just walk away. Kelly Clarkson style. "Just walk awayyyyyy"
• Clare starts yelling at El Bachelor on the "rose altar." I have never seen that before. 
• I have also never seen a contestant hug Chris Harrison while sobbing.
• "I'm glad I didn't pick her"--El Bachelor. WHATTTTTTT. 

Chris Harrison finally mentions Neil Lane and the diamond ring. I would've rather seen Neil Lane than the boring audience interviews. 

Proposal Time with Nikki:

• Kristina declares: "I would not accept the final rose, merely for having to walk in the mud while wearing heels." She has a point.
• I have a ring in my pocket. I am not 100% sure I want to propose.
• "Will you accept my final rose?" Please say no. Oh and she said yes.
• Nikki is obviously not happy. This is strange.
• And in the end, the final words: "I like you a lot."

Chloe is asleep and over Juan Pablo. 

After The Final Rose: WHATTTTTTTTT

• Clare somehow recovers her dignity and her reputation in less than 5 minutes. 

Chloe wakes up to watch it. 

• Juan Pablo comes out….and he interrupts Chris Harrison. Oh no you didn't! 
• Cardinal Rule of The Bachelor: Chris Harrison is the Godfather. You don't mess with him.
• Now he is dissing the audience. Is this for real?
• Is Nikki delusional? "I know he cares about me. He tells me by his actions. But he hasn't said he loves me." WHATTTTTTT. 

Someone buy Nikki a copy. ASAP. 

And then enters this string of the strangest conversations I have ever seen on an ATFR: 

Chris Harrison: "You said you had a big surprise."
Juan Pablo: "She is the big surprise. I don't have a surprise. This is it."
Ohhhh you are in trouble now. You just pulled one over on The Bachelor.

Sidenote- I have read some rumors online that Juan Pablo told ABC he was going to propose. Then he didn't and they didn't have any questions prepared which led to this strange interview.  

Juan Pablo: "We are SO done with the show. We are done." to Chris Harrison (please see Cardinal Rule above)

Juan Pablo: "Like I said when you interrupted me last time." to Chris Harrison (please see Cardinal Rule above)

Then begins this odd exchange/arguing with Sean & Catherine vs. Juan Pablo & Nikki…that I really do not understand. Really. do not. understand. When did members of the Bachelor family turn on each other? 

All while Nikki holds his hand and leans on his shoulder. And they don't answer questions about their relationship or plans. And you can just tell they want the show to be over. And so does Chris Harrison. And so does America. 

I continued just sitting there in shock staring at the TV screen. There was a lot of that last night. 

And now Andi is the next Bachelorette. Shocking. Chris Harrison is clearly irritated, mad and laying down the ground rules about love. When does this premiere? I need a few months to forget tonight. 

And so does Chloe.  Ay Yi Yi. It's finally over and we are officially speechless.

May 19th. We'll be back. 

And because I have a love affair with the same two ridiculous reality competition-ish shows, next week I will attempt to blog Dancing With The Stars though I am not sure how. Everyone needs a Monday treat and these ridiculous shows are mine. Stay tuned.