The Case for Online Shopping

I know this may sound awful and lame of me, but I really don't like the mall. Let me be clear here- I do not dislike shopping, I just dislike the mall.

Here are the thoughts of anxiety that go through my mind when I realize I have to go to the mall to get something:

• Panic over parking
• Confusion over where to go once I get there as crowds of people stand between me and my purchase 
• Annoyance over long lines of people at registers
• Even more annoyance over the inefficiency of people working those registers 
• Frustration because I can't remember the links I saw online am trying to find in the store. 
• Anger when my cell service doesn't work meaning I can't look online to see which items I was trying to find in store. 
• Irritation because of the waste of my time this "fun experience" has been.
• Exhaustion when I got home as I promise to never return again. 

My Sunday went something a little bit like that....because consider this a newsflash/PSA/news you can use:

If you purchase items from JCrew Factory you cannot return them to a JCrew store. 

You have the following options:

1. pay to ship them back yourself 
2. have the cost of shipping deducted from the return you are owed 
3. find a JCrew Factory store and return them yourself. 

I discovered these options after dealing with first Annoyance over the two people behind the register ignoring me and taking 10 minutes both helping the one customer before getting around to me. Then there was the panic over parking to get to that JCrew in the first place. Then the confusion of figuring out where to go in order to get to that JCrew and the closest JCrew Factory. And finally this has led to exhaustion and promising to never return to the mall again. 

It also led to me calling Gregg and yelling about how we would not be doing any Christmas shopping in store and would be doing it online again, just as we did last year. All I can say is #worthit

And if I can find a way to purchase all gifts from Nordstrom's with free shipping and free returns it is happening. I would honestly purchase my groceries from Nordstrom's if there was a way to do it. 

Anyone else feel this way or maybe you just think I am crazy? 

Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #7

I love twitter. I do. I find it highly entertaining. It is the major source of most of my news whether it is a major global event or a major celebrity break up and every time I need to find information it is where I go. That being said, I have noticed that people can be really mean to celebrities on twitter to a point where it can become comical. When I found this video of "Celebrities Read Mean Tweets" on Jimmy Kimmel it had me dying laughing because the thought of these things a) being read aloud and b) being read aloud by the actual celebrity is not only so incredibly simple but it is so incredibly funny.

It's a true lesson for me in not taking myself or criticism about me too seriously. Without further adieu I give you this amazing YouTube video:




Apparently this is a routine sketch on Jimmy Kimmel. News to me. I now need to go watch all of them.

Have you ever seen these before? 

Did Mindy Kaling make you die laughing…I am kind of obsessed and want to be her BFF.

Lessons from Ladies of London

I love a good reality TV show but I am choosy and because of this I have every right to say I am not addicted to reality TV. I happen to have my own personal criteria and conveniently, all housewives-related and bachelor themed shows meet it. I suppose if you look at those shows you can figure out for yourself the specifics of my criteria…and if not then that is probably another post for another day.

Most recently I have fallen in love with Ladies of London. I am obsessed. I love it. A lot. Next to the Bachelorette, it is the first show I watch next off the DVR. That my friends is saying a lot.

Recently on the show there has been a lot of controversy between American and British characters and the root cause is the personality types and characteristics of the Americans. I have found this intriguing but didn't think much of it because hello it is a reality show and I do not know how much of this is just making up differences to make up drama.

But then I read this blog post from one of my favorite blogs A Cup of Jo titled 15 Surprising Things About Parenting in England and it turns out that a lot of the drama on the show makes sense.

Americans are in fact more outgoing with strangers, more passionate with their emotions (whether in a good or bad way) and more/less exclusive to making friends. You have to read the article and watch the show to completely understand the connection...but let's just say the most recent fight between Juliet and Annabelle kind of makes sense in real life. Granted most Americans probably don't scream on the sidewalk at their friends during 4th of July parties in other countries ending with one of them running into traffic to get in her private car; however, it would also not cause an additional fight analyzing the behavior. The behavior and the fight would be lumped together eliminating the need for two separate apologies.

Read the article. Watch the show. Thank me later.  

Now you can say you are culturally diverse the next time someone judges your taste in TV which happens to me everyday of my life. 

Mastering Colds During The Masters

Disclaimer: If any parts of this do not make sense, please blame the large amounts of cold meds in my system.

Having spent the past couple weeks so busy I thought my head would fall off, predictably I have gotten sick with a cold that can be described as just enough to make you miserable but not enough to send you to the doctor. My favorite kind of illness!!

Here's the issue with getting sick- it starts to happen and I go to my medicine drawer to figure out what I have available to take. First of the list is Airborne. Always Airborne. I know some people prefer other supplements but for me it's Airborne and if you are going to do Airborne you have to do Very Berry.

Trust me. Very berry or bust.

Here comes the tricky part- every time I am sick I can never remember what worked the last time to get me well. It's usually some combination of starting with Claritin…then try Alka Seltzer Cold, maybe Mucinex, maybe Sudafed and then my co-worker introduced me to Advil Allergies and Cold so now I've added that to the mix.

I have been rotating between my head feels stuffed up to my nose won't stop running and back again. It's like this vicious cycle. Mixed in with an occasional sore throat depending on the moment. So I've consequently also been rotating medicines. I am not sure if this is a great idea or worst idea ever and considering my head is actually cloudy I don't know if my own judgment should be trusted or not.

I decided to seek Dr. Internet's help to figure out what these ingredients meant. Again, this is one of those things that I learn every time I am sick and then quickly forget. I should probably take better notes when I am sick but I am usually so busy trying to get well that by the time I am, I just want to move forward.

I found this nifty article that explained these ingredients and why I need them and while you may already know all of this, I clearly don't…so below is how I plan to remember this information in the future when I am sick and deliriously standing in the cold medicine aisle at Walgreens:

1. Antihistamine- this will make a runny nose dry up. It is anti-histamine…who knows what histamine means? Not me. I am going to call this ANTI runny nose.

2. Expectorant- this will make you cough. it will specifically make you cough up gross stuff in your chest. Take it and you can EXPECT to cough.

3. Decongestant- if you are congested…this will DEcongest you. But then your nose is going to run. (Then you have to refer to ingredient 1) It is a vicious, vicious cycle you see.

Sometimes you need both the Antihistamine and the Decongestant because your head is stuffed up and your nose won't stop running. Apparently in these cases you have to find a combo that gives you just enough of a stuffy head and just enough of a runny nose to continue living. This pretty much describes where I am at right now. 

Of course I also have all the other essentials...OJ, soup and other warm comfort foods I have been enjoying all weekend that are super fattening and super delicious and lots of kleenex….and prayer. Praying I live through my cold.

In the meantime, Gregg has greatly enjoyed that I have wanted to do nothing all weekend because for him it has meant a weekend of nonstop watching the Masters..let's face it, that was going to happen whether or not I was sick. Apparently, we all win…except my ability to function like a normal human. 

Lots of magazines. Hundreds of kleenexes. 
Two PJ days. One nose that is trying to kill me.  

I am sure you now feel like you need to go wash your hands so you don't get sick

 after reading this post. Stay well my friends.

News To Me: Between Two Ferns

I promise I will never get political on this blog. But if I see something that makes me laugh, then I feel it is my duty to share it…no matter who it involves.

Yesterday evening Gregg texted me from work telling me to google 'Obama between two ferns' and I was honestly not going to do it. I might have a slight habit of never doing these kind of things when he asks. However, since I have barely seen my husband this week, I figured I should be supportive and humor him. Instead I was humored.

Apparently 'Between Two Ferns' involves Zach Galifianakis inviting a guest on to his show and they each take turns taking passive aggressive jabs at each other…. and I love Zach G because of The Hangover. 

Have you first of all ever heard of Zach Galifianakis' series called "Between Two Ferns?"  I asked Gregg if there were more and he replied there are tons. News to me. Thanks for letting me know husband. 

Regardless of your political views, this week's guest is President Obama and you will find this funny:  

My personal favorite part- When Zach G said he is self conscious of his birth weight of 7lb, 800 oz. 

What was your favorite one liner?

 Had you ever heard of this show or am I the only one living under a 'Between Two Ferns' rock? 

My Official Guide to Girl Scout Cookies

There's an app for that. There is truly an app for everything. And just when I think I have heard or seen it all, here comes a new one. There is now a Girl Scout Cookie App. News to me.

Sidenote- yes I have a few updates I need to do.

I can't even. This exists. Being someone who does not regularly come into contact with Girl Scouts unless it is outside the grocery store or church, I never know where I can buy cookies. Since Girl Scouts won't take credit cards, I need to get cash and then go find the cookies immediately. This single-handedly solves all my cookie buying issues forever.

But the other issue that remains is I don't even know what the cookies are called anymore. I feel so old school referring to things like Samoas and Tag-a-longs and Trefoils. The little Girl Scouts look at me like I might as well be asking them where the closest video store is located. 

So to save all of us further embarrassment and further moments of feeling old, we are all going to figure out what these cookies are called together:

The official line-up

Old Cookies with New Names: 

Thin Mints: Still the same. Still minty. Still chocolatey. Delicious at room temp. Delicious frozen. Delicious.

Caramel deLites aka SAMOAS: Caramel, chocolate greatness plus coconut..which I normally never like so it has always been a mystery to me why I love these but I do.

• Sidenote- Shortly after we had just gotten our dachshund Lucy, she found a box of Samoas we had left on the floor and ate the entire thing. The entire box. We were so mad because those were our cookies and since this was pre-iPhone and pre-Girl Scout cookie app, we couldn't just go buy another one. Her stomach was huge afterwards and so began Lucy's weight problems.

Peanut Butter Patties aka TAG-A-LONGS: Peanut butter and chocolate. Surprisingly these were never one of my favorites. I don't know why. I do know we always buy a box for my Grandpa.

Peanut Butter Sandwiches aka DO-SI-DOS: Peanut butter cookie. Peanut butter sandwich. Always been kind of boring to me...like "why even bother eating a cookie, boring." Now they are really boring with their new name.

Shortbread aka TREFOILS: Look we all know these are the shortbread ones that come in the yellow box. They are plain but they are delicious. More importantly I know them by their yellow box. Now it is blue. Don't even get me started.

New Cookies:

Thanks-A-Lot: I don't understand why this cookie says "Thank You" but it does. To me it is like a Trefoil combined with a chocolatey inside so every time I eat one I can hear my taste buds saying thank you. I have to give props to the Girl Scouts, I like this cookie.

Lemonades: I am not a big lemon person. I don't like lemon in my water, in my tea or in my cookies. Plus the fact that these come in a yellow box confuses me because if you see above, Trefoils are the yellow box cookie. How dare you try to take over like that?

Shout-Outs: These say "Lead" and I don't understand why these say Lead. I also don't understand what they taste like. Sounds like an advertisement for the new app. Lead me to the cookies? There's an app for that. 

Do you have a favorite cookie? Do you hate the new names? 

As you come across Girl Scouts either at the grocery story or with your new app, I hope this cheat sheet helps you determine which cookies are really your heart's desire.

Ice Dancing's #1 Fan Overnight

I haven't blogged much (or at all) about the Olympics because to be honest I have only been quasi-watching. I put it on in the evenings when there isn't something else I really need to be watching or catching up on and I usually only put it on in the background. I had yet to really "get into it" until last night….

Meryl Davis and Charlie White realize they've won
Photo credit via FOX News

The Bachelor was over. I flicked on to the Olympics and started watching Ice Dancing. I still don't even know what Ice Dancing is but I do know it sounds similar to figure skating but a little more fun and a little more realistic as a possible "Analisa Olympic Talent." Because yes that is a requirement for me to love an Olympic event- envisioning myself doing it- since we all know that's going to happen someday.

There I was watching the judges critique things like "twizzles." And I got even more intrigued. 

NOT Twizzlers. 

Twizzles. Spins. Turns. On ice skates. Together. In unison. Fancy turns. On ice skates.

Regardless, I flipped from The Bachelor and watched the final three teams perform. One was really good. They took the 1st place spot. One was so-so and then I started hearing that the USA still had to go. In an instant I became seriously patriotic and seriously competitive:

I watched as Meryl Davis and Charlie White ice danced the dance of their life and took the gold. And as usual when these big moments happen…I have now become obsessed with Ice Dancing and obsessed with the newest Gold Medal Olympians Meryl Davis & Charlie White.

In case you also become randomly obsessed with things like this and then want to know everything you can, in a short amount of time, to impress everyone you know…here are a few links you can read to quickly absorb some insider information. I promise to tell no one. Your secret is safe with me.

People Magazine: 5 facts to know about Meryl Davis and Charlie White and if People thinks you should know these 5 things, then you should know these 5 things 

USA Today: How they have known each other since they were 9 years old

Buzzfeed: An easy with pictures step by step guide to getting to know them

People Magazine: Talking about their Moms, their #1 fans who matched them together to compete when they were little

Good Morning America: Hear and see them in this great interview

Tonight is ladies figure skating. Say it with me now, U-S-A

News To Me: Bowl Week

Gregg has an obsession with sports and an equal if not greater great obsession with Dr. Lou Holtz. This obsession has driven me a bit nutty because I just don't get Dr. Lou. Not for any particular reason I just don't get him.

But then something amazing happened while I was being forced to sit through a bowl game on the couch:

Dr. Lou appeared in a commercial for catholicscomehome.org

And before I could even ask if Dr. Lou was Catholic, Gregg said: "I have told you 100 times that Dr. Lou used to coach Notre Dame. Now you are going to like him??"

No comment. This is news to me people. News to me.

This proves three things:

1. I really have a great ability to tune my husband out. Probably not something to be proud of but it is an ability.
2. I am impressed Catholics have gotten Dr. Lou to be our spokesperson.
3. I am easily persuaded and probably do like him a little bit more now.

Have you seen these commercials? Are you forced to also sit through bowl games if you want to see your significant other all week? Did you know Dr. Lou is Catholic?