Wine and Art

Thursday night S and I headed to another evening of culture at The Museum of Fine Arts, Houston. A few weeks ago we bought tickets to an evening of wine tasting and art learning..because let's be honest, who does culture without drinks? Not us. 

In case you missed it, S and I are currently on a mission to explore more of Houston's culture scene with museums, events and whatnot. 

Our evening plans also came on the heels of an insane day at work. I was entertaining kids all day so their mom could participate in a media opportunity for Mother's Day airing in May. It involved an afternoon of pampering at the salon for her…and an afternoon of child care for me. It was totally worth it but totally exhausting.

This is how you entertain toddlers in a conference room.

Let's just say by the time work ended, I was in desperate need of happy hour so it was perfection that S and I had planned a wine tasting. When we showed up at MFAH, I was quite impressed. The entire room had tables set just like this ready for us to drink and be taught all about wine and art.

The light cheese and crackers that served as our dinner until a post-wine tasting dinner.

Each table had this nifty place setting with six glasses to help you keep track
of what you were drinking. 

We were also given a handout to take notes on the wines and in our case also write notes to each other about annoying people in the class...You know because every class has ONE.

The Art Part

The class started with an overview of The Age of Impressionism exhibition going on now…the only thing I remember is that impressionists paint how they see something as opposed to how it looks. Now that I am rewriting that I don't think it makes sense….that's the result of getting distracted by all the wine glasses staring me in the face, all I wanted to do was see them filled up.

So what did we drink? What did we learn? 

Please note this is all interpreted in my terms but if you file these away, they could keep you occupied mentally the next time you are drinking wine with boring people. I don't really know what that is like but I imagine it sometimes happens.  

You want wine to speak to you. How do you get your glass of wine to speak to you?

• The color of the wine tells you its age. 
• The smell gives you a preview of what you are going to taste. 
• Swirl it on the table and then stick your nose inside to try and figure out what you smell.
• "Start wide with all your options and then narrow it down" 
• It should be noted S and I were really bad at this all night.  We constantly guessed wrong or didn't know what to guess. 
• The acidity level determines how tart or dull the wine tastes. 
• The more saliva in your mouth, the higher the acidity 
• The less saliva in your mouth, the lower acidity 
• How well you can see through the wine will tell you how light it will be. 
• Hold up the glass to a white piece of paper and see how well you can read the words through
• Not going to lie, S and I were pretty good at this tip.   

What did we drink?
I have to be honest. We drank a lot of wines that I am pretty sure I would never be able to find at my local HEB or in the $10-$15 bottles of wine section we usually frequent. All were white wines except the last two. But here we go…

1. Chateau de la Ragotiere Muscadet (2012)

• My least favorite. 
• Pair with seafood and salad. 

2. Clos Roche Blanche Touraine Sauvignon Blanc (2011)

• I understood that this was a Sauvignon Blanc and my understanding stopped there. 
• Pair with lots of food, especially cheese. 

3. Ladoucette Comte Lafond Sancerre Blanc

• During this taste I learned that when you are drinking sweet wine, you are really drinking rotten grapes. 

4. Domaine Pichot Vouvray (2012) 

• This one was our favorite.
• It was made of 100% Chenin Blanc…whatever that means, we think it's important. 
• Pair with Asian food and apple tarts. 
• Considering I make apple tarts all the time, good to know.
• Also I have never had wine with Asian food…adding that to the list of things I need to try.

5. Paul Thomas Sancerre Rouge Chavignol (2010) 

• Had tastes of strawberry/cranberry  
• This was the 1st red wine of the night. We preferred this one over the next one.

6. Domaine de Pallus Les Pensees de Pallus (2011) 

• Tasted kind of spicy and earthy. 
• Not a fan. That's pretty much what you need to know.

At the end, S and I had saved a little of each wine and went back and re-tasted each of them. Before we did this, S gave me the wise advice that whichever ones we didn't really like we should just take like a shot. Totally worked. 

Afterwards we were in desperate need of food other than the few pieces of cheese and crackers we had been snacking on and headed to Niko Niko's. This was a big personal accomplishment because I was finally able to check it off the list of places I need to try in Houston…it was delish, just like everyone said it would be. 

My overall thoughts: Super fun evening but I doubt I will ever find wines like these again because in order to do that I would need to take a class in how to navigate the wine section of a store. 

Not going to lie, seeing this when you are trying to find a quick bottle of wine is
just a little overwhelming. 

Couldn't have said it better myself…
Cheers to many more wine tastings and culture evenings!

Cher Dressed To Kill Tour

Everyone needs one person in their life that when you call and say: 

Do you want to see Cher? 

They without hesitation and without judgment say: 

Yes, don't care when it is, yes.

Luckily I have one of those people. She is also my sister.

Shout out to Mom whose closet we raided for these outfits. 
We couldn't have done this without you. 

Kristina and I have been discussing seeing Cher since last August when I heard she was going on tour and heard she was coming here. We made the decision to buy the tickets in January. We then made the decision to each take off Tuesday following the concert. So glad we did because doors opened at 6:30, concert was supposed to start at 7:30 and as we drove up we noticed massive amounts of people outside.

This is what a Cher concert looks like in daylight when they won't open the doors. 

Kristina started checking twitter and found Toyota Center had issued a statement that said:

CHER UPDATE: Tonight’s door time has been pushed back. The tour apologizes and would like tonight’s show to be perfect. #CHERD2KTour
— Toyota Center (@ToyotaCenterTix) March 24, 2014

So we parked the car, put on red lipstick and had two choices.

• 1) Cut the line
• 2) Live tweet the experience of standing in a line of angry Cher fans. 

We chose Option 2. We did do a mini cut, I am not going to lie, but it wasn't obvious. I was honestly afraid people would literally cut us for cutting the line. I want you to imagine the people who go to a Cher concert and then imagine them angry. That's all I am going to say about that.

Here are a few of our top tweets and I have to thank Kristina's friends for favoriting and following along during our "Will we get in or won't we get in" dilemma:

I bet @cher wishes she could turn back time for real right about now. @Kristina_withaK and I do #CHERD2KTour #UPDATE
— Analisa W. (@analisa_tx) March 25, 2014

You know you've been in line too long when your 1st stop upon entrance changed from 'get alcohol' to 'go pee'. #CHERD2KTour @analisa_tx
— Kristina G. (@Kristina_withaK) March 25, 2014

They should have two lines- 1 for people with no bags and 1 for people with ugly bags. #CHERD2KTour
— Analisa W. (@analisa_tx) March 25, 2014

No one has even MENTIONED @benatargiraldo. Pat, on behalf of us waiting outside, we are all DYING to see you!! #CHERD2KTour
— Kristina G. (@Kristina_withaK) March 25, 2014

It should be noted that Pat Benatar and her husband were the opening act for Cher. Kristina nearly died. It may seem off the wall but Kristina is obsessed with Pat Benatar. She went slightly crazy when she realized Pat Benatar was the opening act. Who knew she performed with her husband though? Not us.

We FINALLY made it in at approximately 8:15pm...

This is what true joy looks like heading up the escalator to our seats. 

We saw Pat Benatar and her husband perform. We sang along to her hits.

Bathroom, overpriced t-shirts, beers, and finding our seats two rows from the top. Check. 

All of a sudden we heard Cher's voice come on over the Toyota Center and say "Hi Everybody. I'm like Christmas. I take forever to arrive and then when I do I am overpriced."

Then Cher took the stage. We nearly died. 

Costume changes. Set changes. This was not a concert. This was an experience. 

The stage that was the reason the concert was delayed. 
So we heard from our reliable t-shirt sales guy...

For the finale Cher flew. She flew. We saw Cher fly. Checking that off the bucket list. 

Finishing the night with a "Believe" finale dance party in the top seats
If Cher goes on tour again for a Farewell, Farewell, Farewell tour…we are there.   

Thank you Kristina, for being that important person in my life, the one I call when I want to see Cher and other important concert performances. 

NKOTBSB

CHER

Who is next??? 

Happy Hour Survivors

One of my biggest complaints in the working world is that I don't get Spring Break anymore. Kristina gets it and all my teacher friends get it, but yours truly does not. Last Thursday evening, I got together with some of my old sorority friends for Happy Hour- what started out as an innocent evening of drinks turned into the entire season of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami in ONE night.

Incident #1: We can get you a table right next to this...

It started out that the location we picked was packed. Clearly I pay no attention to March Madness because we had coincidentally picked Thursday night to get together, the same night March Madness kicked off. We got a table and it was literally right in front of this:

Considering we all know each other from A&M…this was what you call ironic. 

Incident #2: Red wine is SO much better when you are covered in it.

The waitress delivers our 2nd glasses of wine. Then she delivers menus. Somehow in the delivery of the menu and me looking at it, I manage to spill my ENTIRE glass of red wine all over myself...to say I was soaked is an understatement. Luckily I was wearing a black skirt so the true disaster of the situation wasn't that noticeable. It did get on my cardigan. Both were promptly delivered to the dry cleaner the next morning. (I really believe I was being cursed for making fun of the Happy Hour above.)

Incident #3: I see blood.

As if being soaked in red wine wasn't bad enough, my friend A looks at me and says are you bleeding…and sure enough I am. I cut myself and it would not stop bleeding. It wasn't a situation needing stitches it was just a nice little cut. So I end up going to the bathroom, wrapping a paper towel around my finger and setting it in place with a band-aid, courtesy of A conveniently having one in her purse. Lesson learned: It is very helpful to have someone who works in a school environment around for happy hour because they always carry things like band-aids and know how to stay calm in a red wine disaster situation. 

Happy hour injury. The finger that won't stop bleeding.

Incident #4: Empty chair gone bad.

One of our friends had to leave early, leaving us with an empty chair at our table. So up walks some random guy and sits down. Okay I get it. Been there done that. Guys should really get some new moves. He sits down and proceeds to try to talk to all of us. Okay fine. Let's here your schpeel and then you can be on your way. Here's the thing though….homeboy never left. He sat down and in no particular order the following things were said:

• Guy goes from normal guy to McSleazy. 
• McSleazy tells us he is a salesman.
• McSleazy starts insulting A&M since he went to Baylor.
• McSleazy calls ME a Mean Girl and says he doesn't like me. In response I made everyone toast to this compliment he just paid me.
• We try to inform McSleazy we are all married to which he doesn't care.
• Then we tell him we are all pregnant. Anything to make the madness stop because by that point we had all finished our wine and were literally drinking water so it was somewhat believable. 
• McSleazy tells me (again) he doesn't like me. 

Incident #5: McSleazy claims he is a lawyer and turns the evening into a Law & Order episode. 

None of us believe this….especially our friend who is actually a lawyer. McSleazy didn't like this. He proceeds to begin to argue with her about what kind of law he practices when she questions him about what exactly the "business law" he practices entails. Then she gets up to go to the restroom and he follows her to the restroom. You read that correctly he FOLLOWED her to the restroom. He waits outside to tell her all this stuff about being a lawyer, then follows her back to our table and continues to argue with her. This is not a joke. I have photographic evidence.

WHO DOES THIS????

So at this point we just had to leave. We had to get our checks and leave because this guy would not leave us alone. We also all decided we had to plan another happy hour ASAP so we could adequately recap everything that had just happened. 

There were ruined clothes, there was blood, there were pregnancies, there were arguments, there were missing phones and hang overs the next morning….Even though A was the only one of us actually on Spring Break, the rest of us made up for it in one night. 

You may not be able to see it but I wanted to make sure my injury was prominently displayed in the memory.

We came. we saw. We survived Happy Hour. And I can honestly say I am now frightened for what could happen at our next one.  

Friday 5

List of The Real Housewives top musical singles...you know because every single one of them is a singer. I'd have to say this nonsense is my fav- watch it and kick off your Friday!

A new Bravo show started Southern Charm and an oldie returned Real Housewives of NYC 

Intrigued to try this new coffee shop that opened in my hometown.

JCrew 25% off with code HEYSPRING

I really want this new Rachel Zoe book

I kind of love Rachel Zoe

Have a great weekend! Be sure to check out Hayley's Friday 5.

And stay tuned to see if the red wine I spilled all over my clothes last night comes out after dropping my clothes at the dry cleaners this morning...story and update to come.

Wild by Cheryl Strayed

I am not a huge reader but I have been trying to read more. Every time I pick up a book I am reminded of how much I do in fact enjoy reading. I attended a luncheon a few weeks ago and heard Cheryl Strayed speak on grief and writing the book Wild.

Photo credit via cherylstrayed.com

I honestly didn't know what to expect and my reasons for deciding to read it were pretty silly- at the luncheon the author mentioned being one of Oprah's book club books, the author talked about knowing Oprah and she mentioned that this book is becoming a movie starring Reese Witherspoon.

These reasons don't exactly scream I am a literary genius.

I'm not going to lie. This book is totally opposite of books I normally read of the chick lit, Hunger Games, Harry Potter genres. I typically prefer lighter books, because I want to know it's going to be a positive escape. My thoughts behind this are simply that life can be so tough sometimes that I struggle to get excited to pick up a book that is tough and sad the entire way until the very end…or it in fact never gets resolved. It's just the way I approach reading and I know it is not necessarily a scholarly approach.

What is the book about?

• Cheryl Strayed's mother is diagnosed and passes away quickly and unexpectedly from cancer while Cheryl is in college. Cheryl's family falls apart afterwards, Cheryl's life falls apart and she decides to disconnect from the world and hike the Pacific Crest Trail…in the process, finding a way to heal from her Mother's death.

What did I think?

• I enjoyed the story and I enjoyed feeling like I was part of Cheryl's journey and her hike. Her experience with hiking is the exact same as mine when she begins…nonexistent…so it was interesting to read along as she navigated the wilderness. 
• There were some very funny parts and then there were some very sad parts. The kind where you do get tears in your eyes. 
• It also made me in awe of the physical challenges and mental challenges you would face being all alone on a hike like this. I'm not a "hiker" but it really made me impressed by those that are.
• I will admit after awhile it got a little monotonous reading about the Pacific Crest Trail. 
• Overall though, Cheryl's story just also really opened my eyes to grief. How important having a support system is in those difficult moments if you should ever tragically lose a loved one. So often I wished someone had been there for Cheryl during her tough moments. Her Dad was not in the picture,  her step dad fell out of the picture, her siblings relationship fell apart and there were no friends in the background to pick up the pieces.It was really something I couldn't imagine.

Would I recommend it? 

• Yes. But if the book doesn't sound like your cup of tea then I would recommend the movie when it comes out. You can come with me to see it if you want!

I know some people don't like it but I love it when a book I've read becomes a movie because is like my imagination is coming to life. Plus, seeing this gallery of pictures courtesy of Reese Witherspoon on the set has made me really excited! 

And on a shallow note, high five for me reading an entire book! 

It may sound strange but I am pretty excited for that accomplishment too…sadly, it's been awhile. 

Who Would Star You in a Movie about You?

Kristina and I regularly take this one step further by imagining what would happen if our life was a musical…this usually happens when we are bored. For instance, we are standing in line (in real life) at a Jason's Deli and we decide to occupy the time by discussing what would happen if this moment instantly transformed into a musical...everyone jumps on their tables, the wait staff grabs their red trays to start dancing, people everywhere start singing about food and waiting in line…and life literally becomes a musical.

Since it's clearly not unusual for us to pretend life is some sort of movie, imagine my excitement when I discovered this quiz: 

What actress would play you in the movie version of your life?  

I got Tina Fey.

Description via Buzzfeed results: 
"Cue the laugh track, silly goose! Bright, bubbly, and with a sparkling personality, you don’t take anything in life seriously — least of all yourself — so you’re going to need a seriously funny chick to play you on the big screen. SNL veteran and the geek-chic fabulous Tina Fey should do the trick nicely." That's the best compliment I've gotten in awhile! High five for me!

This also means my Dad may disown me. He is still not over this:

Sorry Dad. I'll get you VIP seats at my movie premiere. 

In case Hollywood comes knocking, I am ready to go. Take the quiz. Tell me who you get! 

Dancing With The Stars: Premiere and Predictions

Dancing With The Stars is back. Mom and I spent the entire evening calling back and forth about performances. I am trying to figure out how exactly I am going to discuss this…so we'll just go with a mash of random thoughts and predictions based on my experience being a loyal fan for many years.

Here's the thing with DWTS- it doesn't get good until a few more weeks. There are too many contestants right now...too many people I don't know and don't care about…and I have to wait through those until the people I do like perform. Here is the line-up if you want to click through and see the cast

Nene Leakes performs with Tony
Prediction: She'll be around for awhile until about the middle. Tony always gets stuck with these ladies. Only one season did he get Melissa Rycroft and that was by default and that's the only time he's been in the finals or won. This season appears it will be same ol' same ol' for Tony.

Winnie Cooper performs with Val (Maks' brother)
Disclaimer: I watched the Wonder Years but was never obsessed. Full House was more our show.
Prediction: She'll last as long as DJ Tanner. She may go home sooner since DJ Tanner may be a more popular adult and get more votes. But I was surprised that Winne Cooper was pretty good.

James Maslow performs with Peeta. 
Disclaimer: Who is this guy?
Prediction: They'll stay around for awhile because they intrigued the audience when they told us they went on a date. But then they are going to get boring.

Sean Avery performs with Karina. 
Disclaimer: The real issue is I have been mentally thinking this is a former Spurs player for a few weeks …either Sean Elliot or Avery Johnson…even though I knew I was wrong the entire time and then I see who it is and I am even more clueless.
Prediction: This person will be out in a week or two.

Billy Dee Williams performs with the girl (whose name I don't know) that performed with Bill Engvall last season. 
Prediction: He did a Star Wars routine to channel his past. He's the Billy Nye of this season and may be around another week.

Meryl Davis performs with Maks.
Disclaimer: I love Maks. And I am a new lover of ice dancing so obviously I love Meryl being his partner and they are already one of my favorites.
Prediction: They cha cha'd and it was amazing. They will win the season. The end.

DJ Tanner performs with Mark Ballas.
Disclaimer. I love Full House and I love DJ Tanner. I was trying to remember all the Tanner sister performances to remember if she was a good dancer. Another I was waiting to see.
Prediction: They'll go until Top 5 or Top 4.

Fun fact: DJ Tanner reveals that in real life she was broken up with by her boyfriend (some guy named Jeremy Miller) so he could go out with Winnie Cooper. In real life. 

Cody Simpson performs with Whitney.
Disclaimer: I do not know either of these people. Cody is a singer/songwriter from Australia whatever that means. Whitney is a new pro.
Prediction: This guy said he has a girlfriend. His partner is single. I'm just saying he'll be gone midway and his parting gift is a new girlfriend.

Raise your hand if at this point you started flipping between Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion show and DWTS premiere. Guilty. 

Drew Carey performs with Cheryl Burke.
Disclaimer: I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Cheryl ever since she and Drew Lachey won.
Prediction: People love Drew Carey. They are dancing on a Monopoly board. He's going to be around for awhile.

Amy Purdy performs with Derek.
Prediction: Here's the deal. They never give Derek bad partners therefore they are going far. I predict final three. My mind was also blown watching Amy perform because she has lost both her legs beneath her knees and was doing these dances with two prosthetic legs. Mind.blown.

Diana Nyad performs with newcomer Henry
How you know her: She is the woman who swam from Cuba to Florida last year. They even had her dance to "Beyond the Sea." I don't even know what to say to that...
Prediction: She gave it her all. Sadly, she'll be swimming home next week.

Charlie White performs with Sharna Burgess who I don't know
Disclaimer: I have been super excited to see Charlie perform. Because in case you missed it, I love ice dancing now and am obsessed with him.
Prediction: People are going to love seeing Charlie compete against Meryl and this is going to be a great story all.season.long. I can't predict how far he'll go because I can't figure out how good he is yet. But if he is good, Top 3 and then he and Meryl go head to head to win.

That's it. Premiere night down. What did I learn tonight? 

That you can realistically watch two shows at once with all the "filler stuff" they mix in DWTS.

After Real Housewives Reunion ended, I noticed there is a new show called Southern Charm on Bravo. It's official. I am addicted to horrible television. I hope this can be a safe place where you can admit it if you are too. 

An Evening at the Museum

For the past few years, I have been bopping around every major city in Texas. Moving brings with it an entire slew of stresses but it also brings with it an entire slew of new discoveries. One thing I have always neglected in new cities has been things like museums and sight seeing. Since I live in these places, I take for granted that they are always there- but then one day you move and they are no longer there. Sometimes you need to take the time to explore in your own town, and when you do, it is always helpful to have a buddy to do it with you because it in fact makes you do it!

Enter Kristina's friend S who also lives here….although I must say that this phrase "Kristina's friend" needs to probably go away because all of these people are now my friends too :)


S and I decided we were going to start adventuring into the world of museums in Houston. We have planned random dates the next few months and even have a few specific museum events on the calendar. We started Thursday night at the Museum of Fine Arts at their Happy Hour Thursdays. I didn't know this but you can sit outside the museum on Thursday evenings, enjoy drinks, music and wander around the museum for free.

Cute mini-plastic wine glasses. 

After we enjoyed Thursday Happy Hour, we headed into the museum and I was on a mission. I had read about a photography exhibit Iconic 20th Century Photographs online and we could not seem to track it down. At one point we thought we found it but I told S, there was a picture of Marilyn Monroe and what we found was the polar opposite of Marilyn. In the meantime we wandered around to other exhibits.

In this one you have to find the real life objects hidden amidst the picture. S and I did pretty good. But there was a recurring theme of finding glass and fruit. I realize now I should've maybe written down who the painters were for all of these.

I don't remember what was being spotted in this one. 

Can you spot the fruit?

Can you spot the violin?

Then we came across a painter raised in Italy by the boats so he painted what he knew. I wish if I painted what I knew it would come out looking like this:

Italy, sigh.

After wandering around the museum, we finally came across the photography exhibit. It was full of famous, historic and iconic pictures in history. Some of them you could take pictures of and some you could not. But you could take a picture of this one, and since it is the one S and I were on a mission to find, I had to do it:

Did you know Marilyn was above a Subway vent system when she took this picture? 

Afterwards, we saw some more paintings from the American history exhibit and then decided we were going to hit up Hotel ZaZa for some bubbly and snacks.

This is how we do culture post-museum.

Cheers to more nights of culture and conversation! 

Friday 5

Is anyone else as ready for this week to end as I am? Raise your hand!

After our every other week experiment in February, Hayley and I are going to attempt our Friday 5 every week from here on out. Everyone loves to procrastinate on a Friday so I hope this gives you lots of opportunities.

Watch Sarah Jessica Parker's tour of her brownstone in NYC for Vogue. Spoiler alert, she has a ping pong table in her dining room.

Here are the best places to cry in public in NYC. It makes sense since New Yorkers typically don't have a car they can go sit inside of and have a good cry...lucky for me, that's where my public crying typically occurs.

This map ranking cities worldwide based on the number of selfies taken. Houston ranked 285 while Austin ranked 90.

I love B.J. Novak and Mindy Kaling from The Office. I love they are best friends who make fun of each other all the time in real life. So duh, I love this little video they did to promote B.J. Novak's new book.

I also can't wait to read the book. I hear there is an audio version though with a star studded cast doing the narrating. May go that route for our next long car ride instead.

Finally, I know I promised I was done talking about The Bachelor, and I promise I am, but you have to see this video. Juan Pablo's video tribute to Nikki, using his own words turned into a song. Made by Juan Pablo for Juan Pablo, in my opinion.

I know you don't know what to say. I was/still am speechless after watching it too.

Have a great weekend!! We made it to Friday!

Mental Breaks Thanks to El Bachelor

Even though it is no longer Wednesday, this is for real how I feel this week. FOR REAL. 

It's been one of those weeks around here. Obviously it did not start off well because of Daylight Savings Time and the lack of sleep Sunday….then there was The Bachelor finale which was supposed to be my great escape but was not….and then of course there is actual real life and the fun has kept on coming.

Due to my lack of brain power and the fact that my biggest mental breaks this week have involved finding things about the insanity of Monday evening, I wanted to share the best scoop I have found out there in case you too need a legitimate mental break.

Because we all need to remember that even if you are having a bad week, 

Juan Pablo's is worse. 

Do you remember Molly and Jason Mesnick…you know, from The Bachelor season where Jason picked Melissa and then changed his mind on the "After The Rose" and chose Molly. I never thought I would like them and I have to say I now love them. Well they do podcasts. They are very entertaining to me and kind of fun to listen to from time to time. Well they did two podcasts after the finale craziness and if you have some free time, you should listen:

Podcast Part 1 Finale 

Podcast Part 2 After the Final Rose 

Chris Harrison's blog on Entertainment Weekly that I read every Tuesday during Bachelor season 

Apparently Juan Pablo told Chris Harrison that he and Nikki had plans but they changed two weeks ago. What made them change? 

Rumor is he was supposed to go on DWTS and then they took back their offer. 

And finally, Hayley's wise words

I think I am good now talking about this season of The Bachelor. But this is the easiest way to share my pointless knowledge and discoveries with people who I know secretly care. 

Don't worry this is a Judge free zone. 

Have you heard any Bachelor scoop you think I need to know about? And in case you missed it, here are  my "deep" thoughts on Monday's finale.

Two more days and it's the weekend. I will believe we've made it when it is Friday night. 

News To Me: Between Two Ferns

I promise I will never get political on this blog. But if I see something that makes me laugh, then I feel it is my duty to share it…no matter who it involves.

Yesterday evening Gregg texted me from work telling me to google 'Obama between two ferns' and I was honestly not going to do it. I might have a slight habit of never doing these kind of things when he asks. However, since I have barely seen my husband this week, I figured I should be supportive and humor him. Instead I was humored.

Apparently 'Between Two Ferns' involves Zach Galifianakis inviting a guest on to his show and they each take turns taking passive aggressive jabs at each other…. and I love Zach G because of The Hangover. 

Have you first of all ever heard of Zach Galifianakis' series called "Between Two Ferns?"  I asked Gregg if there were more and he replied there are tons. News to me. Thanks for letting me know husband. 

Regardless of your political views, this week's guest is President Obama and you will find this funny:  

My personal favorite part- When Zach G said he is self conscious of his birth weight of 7lb, 800 oz. 

What was your favorite one liner?

 Had you ever heard of this show or am I the only one living under a 'Between Two Ferns' rock? 

El Bachelor: Finale & After The Final Rose

Before I begin, I have to say I have seen literally every season of this show (minus three) and this is officially the strangest finale I have ever seen. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER.

I also have to formally apologize to my friend M who lives in Austin and I got hooked on The Bachelor this season. This show is typically a train wreck good time...last night's finale was just a train wreck that made me uncomfortable the entire time. I am sorry and I hope for more normal and typical Bachelor/Bachelorette drama for your future viewing experiences. 

El Bachelor Finale: "I Like You A Lot"

Family Dates:

• Cardinal Rule of these family dates: The better the date with the family, the more likely you will not get the ring. 
• Cardinal Rule of dating in general: If I am dating a guy and his entire family warned me about how stubborn he was and very into himself…I would run. 
• Juan Pablo's cousin is named Rodolfo. Which when I read it, immediately reminded me of Rolf from Sound of Music. And then I needed to find a video of "Do Re Mi" 

Clare's Date:

• Juan Pablo says something so horrible when their microphones are turned off that she can't repeat it. She proceeds to walk up a cliff with him while explaining this in the voiceover. Makes perfect sense…if I can't stand a guy I definitely follow him up a cliff where someone could get pushed.
• One on one time has Juan Pablo and Clare discussing "hooking up." These two need to get their stories straight. 
• Conclusion: I am so annoyed I feel like I have lost my Bachelor voice. I just want to fast forward to After the Rose.

Chloe can't take her eyes off the TV. She can't believe what she is seeing between Juan Pablo and Clare.  

Nikki's Date:

• The entire time I just sat here thinking about the horror of Clare's date. 
• I couldn't focus.
• Then Nikki made him a gift which he thanked her for with a make out session. 

Question/Concern: Where is Neil Lane? 

Proposal Time with Clare: 

• Clare stop pouring your heart out. Don't bring up the word "bolt" again. 
• Cardinal Rule of these proposals: Don't pour your heart out first. You make them do it..whether they are the bachelor or bachelorette. You make them do it.
• Clare. Just walk away. Kelly Clarkson style. "Just walk awayyyyyy"
• Clare starts yelling at El Bachelor on the "rose altar." I have never seen that before. 
• I have also never seen a contestant hug Chris Harrison while sobbing.
• "I'm glad I didn't pick her"--El Bachelor. WHATTTTTTT. 

Chris Harrison finally mentions Neil Lane and the diamond ring. I would've rather seen Neil Lane than the boring audience interviews. 

Proposal Time with Nikki:

• Kristina declares: "I would not accept the final rose, merely for having to walk in the mud while wearing heels." She has a point.
• I have a ring in my pocket. I am not 100% sure I want to propose.
• "Will you accept my final rose?" Please say no. Oh and she said yes.
• Nikki is obviously not happy. This is strange.
• And in the end, the final words: "I like you a lot."

Chloe is asleep and over Juan Pablo. 

After The Final Rose: WHATTTTTTTTT

• Clare somehow recovers her dignity and her reputation in less than 5 minutes. 

Chloe wakes up to watch it. 

• Juan Pablo comes out….and he interrupts Chris Harrison. Oh no you didn't! 
• Cardinal Rule of The Bachelor: Chris Harrison is the Godfather. You don't mess with him.
• Now he is dissing the audience. Is this for real?
• Is Nikki delusional? "I know he cares about me. He tells me by his actions. But he hasn't said he loves me." WHATTTTTTT. 

Someone buy Nikki a copy. ASAP. 

And then enters this string of the strangest conversations I have ever seen on an ATFR: 

Chris Harrison: "You said you had a big surprise."
Juan Pablo: "She is the big surprise. I don't have a surprise. This is it."
Ohhhh you are in trouble now. You just pulled one over on The Bachelor.

Sidenote- I have read some rumors online that Juan Pablo told ABC he was going to propose. Then he didn't and they didn't have any questions prepared which led to this strange interview.  

Juan Pablo: "We are SO done with the show. We are done." to Chris Harrison (please see Cardinal Rule above)

Juan Pablo: "Like I said when you interrupted me last time." to Chris Harrison (please see Cardinal Rule above)

Then begins this odd exchange/arguing with Sean & Catherine vs. Juan Pablo & Nikki…that I really do not understand. Really. do not. understand. When did members of the Bachelor family turn on each other? 

All while Nikki holds his hand and leans on his shoulder. And they don't answer questions about their relationship or plans. And you can just tell they want the show to be over. And so does Chris Harrison. And so does America. 

I continued just sitting there in shock staring at the TV screen. There was a lot of that last night. 

And now Andi is the next Bachelorette. Shocking. Chris Harrison is clearly irritated, mad and laying down the ground rules about love. When does this premiere? I need a few months to forget tonight. 

And so does Chloe.  Ay Yi Yi. It's finally over and we are officially speechless.

May 19th. We'll be back. 

And because I have a love affair with the same two ridiculous reality competition-ish shows, next week I will attempt to blog Dancing With The Stars though I am not sure how. Everyone needs a Monday treat and these ridiculous shows are mine. Stay tuned. 

Let's Rodeo Ya'll

I have lived in Texas pretty much all of my life (minus 5 years) so I am very much a Texan. Even living here my entire life though, I have never considered myself a very "country Texan." But, I have to say that when the Rodeo comes to town, I become a very "when in Rome person"…in the same way New Yorkers embrace fashion week by wearing the best clothes around town, I embrace the Rodeo by wearing my cowboy boots, denim shirts, cowboy hat and finding anything else country related I can wear to embrace this time of year.

San Antonio Rodeo: 
Growing up in San Antonio, Rodeo season was marked by western day at school along with the city wide "Cowboy breakfast." It also meant dance performances at the tents of the Rodeo wearing country costumes and tap shoes made to look like cowboy boots. Some years it even meant a field trip.

Houston Rodeo: 
Now I live in Houston. I am currently experiencing what Houston fondly refers to as "Rodeo Houston." The Houston Rodeo is San Antonio Rodeo x 10. I have been amazed at how the entire city embraces the Rodeo and for three weeks, the big conversation and plans you make with your friends revolve around livestock, concerts and cowboys.

Last year Gregg and I took advantage of the Rodeo, and our need to begin to look for potential apartments in Houston, by coming up to see Blake Shelton with our good friends R & T. Needless to say, based on the TV screens in our hotel lobby, we realized very quickly how big of a deal the Rodeo is to the entire city:

Mooooo. Welcome back to the hotel.

This year though, this year we live here. As Rodeo season kicked off, I didn't have any serious plans to attend anything "rodeo-related." But here it is mid-March and I am now beginning to understand why people look forward to the Houston Rodeo with such excitement and how much fun it is to embrace your inner Texan this time of year:

Go Texan Day: where the entire city wears their cowboy boots to kick off the Rodeo. Also the same day I watched the Trail Riders arrive in Houston from around Texas riding horses and buggies down the road outside my office, while I sat on a conference call.  

This past week, just as I wasn't sure I'd be attending any concerts, Kristina's friends, who have adopted me as one of their own, invited me to attend Reba. REBA. I love Reba. I knew she was coming but didn't think I'd get to see her. I have not seen Reba since I was 12 years old at the San Antonio Rodeo.

We enjoyed drinks and snacks while watching the rodeo competitions. My favorite event was at the end, mutton busting, where little 5-6 year olds hold on to sheep for dear life as they run across a specified area. I asked how you get your child to do this and C said, you should probably sign your nonexistent child up now…it is more competitive than getting your child into NYC private school. Now we know. Then it was time for Reba...

When she drove out to the center in her black SUV, took the stage and this happened…
 I nearly died. Died. 

Kristina's friends who let me tag along to see the Country Queen…and even bought me a souvenir Rodeo koozie to mark my 1st experience as a Houstonian.

Reba brings out people our age, people younger and also people older than us….and let me just say that the older crowd (who is not really that old) they want to sit and watch Reba in quiet. We want to sit and watch Reba like this:

Pretending we are back up singers. 
A woman in the row in front of us turned around, put her finger over her lips, looked at S and "shhhh'd" us…teacher style. Then she proceeded to give glaring looks to the girls a few rows back from us and the girls a few rows in front for singing and dancing along. I am not kidding. We had to resort to lip syncing our performances, which if you read this you understand that was not a problem. However when "The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia," "On the Radio" and the finale "Fancy" came on I am pretty sure she wanted to kill us. You just can't sit still during those songs. C said at one point the woman put her fingers in her ears. Regardless, it was such a fun night! I have had Reba songs my head for days.

Then literally as I was waiting for Reba to come out at the Rodeo, my good friend A texts me to see if we want to go to the Rodeo Saturday night to see Chris Young. I was like a kid at Christmas thinking I didn't think I'd go to the Rodeo one time this year, let alone two times. So Saturday we headed to the Rodeo- we explored the grounds, saw baby chicks, saw baby sheep, saw big cows and saw the insanity of the Rodeo carnival. Then we headed inside to our fancy seats, courtesy of A's boyfriend J, and enjoyed sitting in the club level of Reliant Stadium watching Chris Young. 

Fancy drinks with A. 

Always a great time when we are together! 

Fireworks, cowboy boots, rodeo arena competitions and a concert every night…and it's all still going on for two more weeks! Yeehaw! Let's Rodeo Ya'll!