El Bachelor Episode 8

It is Monday. The Keurig machine broke at work. I spilled creamer on my desk. Let's hope Tuesday gets off to a better start.

El Bachelor Episode 8: "Where I Come From, It's Corn Bread and Chicken." - Alan Jackson 

Nikki's Date

• How is the most famous place for BBQ in Kansas City name Oklahoma Joe's? I am already confused. So is Juan Pablo. And so is America. 
• Nikki: "Even though it's been such a short time it feels so normal." Riiiiight. Because trips to Korea and whatnot are totally normal for first dates in a relationship. 
• Nikki's Dad: "It's great to sit down with someone who has the maturity and understanding of…" and at this point I finished his sentence and said an avocado. 
• Why an avocado? I am not sure but I cannot listen to someone go on about JP's maturity and understanding. 
• And just like that you didn't tell him you love him. And now we have to deal with that. Thanks. 

Andi's Date

• "Helllllo, Helllllo." Hey Juan Pablo-- you don't greet the bullets like they are ladies. 
• Boom/bulls eye. I wonder if Juan Pablo knows what bulls eye means. 
• Is it just me or did anyone else realize Andi was this southern before now? I am confused. 
• Andi is an Assistant DA who shoots guns. I would need to assume that somehow stems from her family and I'd be afraid for them to meet you too. 
• Pookie = Andi. Luckily Kristina and I don't have ridiculous nicknames like that and even if we did luckily our parents wouldn't know the first thing about having a sign like that made. 
• I always wonder what my Mom would cook on a hometown date. The thing is she wouldn't cook. I am pretty sure we would be eating out of Stonewerks to go food styrofoam. 
• It's totally normal for my mom to dance salsa with my "boyfriend" in the other room while I am not around….riiiiight. 
• Andi proclaims "we do best when we are having fun." Dear Andi, Most couples do best when they are having fun. The issue is that real life is not fun. 
• Andi and her sister look a lot alike. 
• Her dad just described his thoughts on The Bachelor as "that's after you're done with this thing you're doing" 

I am bored. And my Pinterest won't work for some reason. Let's move on to Tuesday night drama. 

Renee's Date

• Little Rascals Baseball- duh Ben is great…Renee is great…so duh Ben is great.
• The entire time I kept keeping my eyes peeled for locations I saw when I visited Hayley. 
• I feel like her mom just made it even more painful for Renee to be away from her son by discussing an inside joke about bracelets.
• Kiss of death- the better the home town date the more likely you will be eliminated. This is what I have learned in all these seasons. 
• Renee's family members all look alike. 

Clare's Date

• All these sisters look alike in strange ways. I feel like this is Little Women on steroids. 
• Did they rent those chairs from a nearby ballroom? They look like all they are missing is chair covers and you'd be at a wedding. 
• Shout out to the fam by saying "Madeline is the 1 out of all my sisters that I value her opinion." Way to throw the entire family under the bus on national TV. 
• And let me tell you that if Kristina threw our family under the bus on national TV, I would literally throw her under a bus. 
• Wait a second. I just thought Laura was Clare's mom and then realized the mom is sitting in the middle. 
• Whoa- Sister fight on national TV. Laura you should lock it up now. You and those silver hoops and green v-neck shirt should lock it up. 
• All their mom said this entire scene was "oh good." 
• Why do they keep calling their mom Mama? 
• "The whole situation is getting weird"- says Clare. I have to agree, this is beyond weird Clare. This is the first time you and I have agreed on something the entire season. 
• I feel like Laura is interrupting a one on one date with Clare and her mom. 
• Clare's house is its own version of the women of the Bachelor. No wonder Clare was so well prepared for this show. She lives The Bachelor with these sisters and Mama everyday. 
• Why is sister Laura following Mama around? What is going on?? 
• Can this woman not talk? I am now serious. I am now seriously confused. 
• Dear Clare, When you fight with your sister your husband will not be your rock. Instead he will hide under a rock because nothing terrifies your husband more than a fight with your sister. 

Final Rose. Deep breath. It is for Andi. Renee is going home, just like I predicted. 

Chloe feels sick at the elimination and the previews.
Ay Yi Yi Juan Pablo. I am dreading tomorrow night. 

At this point Gregg who just walked in the door proclaims: "The loosest dress loses and the tightest dress wins. Let this be a lesson to all woman." 

Thank you for those profound words Husband.

See you all tomorrow night. I cannot even believe I am going to watch this show twice in one week yet I am secretly thrilled for the most dramatic fantasy suite date in Bachelor history.