El Bachelor Episode 1

I can't blog the entire episode of The Bachelor because I just can't. I am too busy texting everyone I know about what is going on while simultaneously pretending the people tweeting about it on twitter are my best friends and eating my dinner. As you can see, it is just too much.

But because it is disturbing even to myself how much I love this show, I am going to throw out a few random thoughts each week as Chloe and I tune in for the most dramatic season of the Bachelor ever. *Disclaimer: These are my own thoughts. I am nobody. I am sure you are all nice people in real life*

Episode 1: Meet The Teacher Night

• There is always way too much going on this night for me to even keep up. There are introductions, back stories, crazy moments, champagne, first impression roses, regular roses and tears. And all of this with a record 27 girls...I can't handle it. 

• Lucy the free spirit. This is quite the addition. So is the fake pregnancy. It's like she said "I'll see your wedding dress from last season and raise you a pregnancy."

• Speaking of free spirits.. allow me to share this twitter conversation between my sister and me. You know because we don't text each other nonstop all evening, now we also have to communicate on twitter too:

I can't even imagine what Dad's response would have been if we told him we wanted to be a "free spirit" when we grew up. We were both too scared to find out...thus the reason we are not "free spirits" who roam the earth, or the bachelor mansion, barefoot.

• Quote of the season will be "AY YI YI"

• I like how they said it was so sweet of Juan Pablo to provide a photo booth. I think it's sweet of them to finally provide a lovely parting gift for the 1st night. 

• The massage tables scene?? So awkward I can't even talk about it. 

• Chloe is pissed someone brought their dog. 

• One of my best friends L who is also in the East Coast Polar Vortex texted me earlier that she has bronchitis. In response I was my usual sympathetic self and told her she actually has "Juan-Pablo Fever."

• I could never marry Juan Pablo. I could never marry someone who doesn't share the photo booth.  That my friends is a marriage deal breaker. 

Notice how there is equal room for everyone in the photo booth? And yes, we take a lot of photo booth pictures. That's an entirely separate issue. 

• Nice product placement with the puzzle and the whole "missing piece is you" line. 

• I totally thought "first impression rose girl" was about to reject the first impression rose. I seriously was texting L screaming she is about to reject it. I was wrong. I always get outsmarted by ABC 

• I think they changed up the rose ceremony intro music. It has a hint of the Jaws soundtrack in it. "Dun...Dun"

• Calling out the wrong name....really? That is so Bachelor Jesse Palmer and they gave him a bonus rose for his mistake. They are not messing around this time. We may have given you 27 girls at the kick-off but there is zero room for error from this point forward.

Overall a picture is worth 1,000 words so I will let this sum up Chloe's thoughts on tonight:

A dog got a rose tonight instead of me? You have GOT to be kidding me Juan Pablo.
Ay Yi Yi this is going to be a long season.